Ask Charles: Am I just his booty call?

Dear Charles,

I met this guy and went out a few times. Every date has been amazing. Too amazing, actually, because I ended up at his place at the end of the second date. (The sex was mind-blowing, by the way). We’ve been dating for the last couple of months, but at the end of every date he wants to go back to his place. It’s become very routine: I talk and text with him all week, then Thursday afternoon, he asks what I’m doing Friday night. Friday he picks me up, we have a great time and then – you know.

I sent him a text last Sunday (the morning after) because I’m getting confused. He finally answered me (text attached) the next Friday morning with an excuse of “Sorry, I’ve been busy,” and a promise that we would talk that night. Same date. No discussion. Great sex. No clarity from him.

What’s the deal? Am I just being used (because I feel like I am)?

–A

The fact that he didn’t address your feelings is an obvious red flag. From his behavior, he seems to be using his charm to make you feel theright way to lower your guard and raise your skirt. From there, he just needs to play things cool – and keep you guessing, wondering and chasing him – until the next Thursday night, so can set up a date.

Here’s the harsh truth: If you have been dating a guy for a few weeks and all he has are Friday nights available, there is averygood chance that he’s full of s– and is playing you. Two months is enough time to establish what’s what for a relationship in its early stages. You don’t need to know if you are getting married (obviously), but to know if he wants to spend some time with you – real time – should be a no-brainer. He should want that, too.

My gut: He’s texting 24 hours in advance for a regular Friday night booty call.Can that change? Perhaps, but only if he really wants to invest – only if he’s truly interested in you.

My advice: Put your needs out clearly. Then, back off and let him do his half of the work. If he is really into you, he will put in real effort beyond a text message looking for sex. If not, he’ll stop contact — which will save your head the stress of wondering and your heart the pain of being used.However: I would bet that if the sex is really good, he will play the role of “good guy” for a while, until you let your guard down again, and then return to the “I’m busy” routine. You would have to hold the line of “I will not settle for second best” and create a scenario where he needs to value you and invest. If he refuses, it’s time to move on.