Young hearts are breaking across the world today because “Stranger Things” cool girl Millie Bobby Brown got herself a boo, per an US Weekly scoop.
Cue Eleven voice: Tabloids don’t lie.
All right, so who is this mouth breather that managed to win 13-year-old Brown’s affections? His name is Jacob Sartorius, a 15-year-old singer-songwriter whose claim to fame is a pop song called “Chapstick.”
Here’s the refrain: “You made a reservation, but all we need are 2 lips, 1 kiss/Nothing between us but Chapstick.” A real Romeo.
How do we know it’s real?
“She posted a photo with him on her Instagram Story last October, and they have since exchanged several flirty comments on social media,” per a source.
On Jan. 8, she liked one of Sartorius’ tweets that said, “just another day w you on my mind.”
She posted an Instagram of herself making bedroom eyes and holding a bear he gave her, with the caption, “Thanks for the bear,” heart emoji. He commented, “Of course,” heart emoji.
Jim Hopper voice: “You’re grounded!”
Then they went on vacation together, spending New Year’s Eve with Brown’s family in Disney World.
We can’t even get into whether or not we ship this couple, because to do so would be to acknowledge that this is even happening, and that would be too embarrassing.
Enjoy cuffing season for the rest of us, kiddos.
