Even magical tattoos couldn’t save Brangelina

Picture this: it’s February 2016. You’re married to the love of your life. The love of your life, incidentally, is Brad Pitt. He’s mostly aged gracefully — you have no complaints. One day, you have an idea. “Hey Brad,” you say. “What if we got super painful magic tattoos that will bind us together forever?” Brad acquiesces, because he’s usually down for whatever. You smile to yourself. You’re the luckiest goth in the world.

Okay, great. Now you’re in Angelina Jolie’s head space. Problem is, months later, you file for divorce. Because turns out, even magic tattoos can’t save your marriage.

That’s right: Angelina and Brad were tattooed by a celebrated artist who formerly moonlighted as a monk, as you do. The tattoos, according to The Daily Beast,are traditionally believed to give the wearers magic powers, and were intended to symbolically bind the two A-listers together as husband and wife which, obviously, did not work.

Jolie, of course, filed for divorce in September, and is currently talking about said divorce in promotion of her new film, “First They Killed My Father.”

This continues to be them most painful celebrity divorce of our time. For me, at least. I can’t speak for Brad or Angelina.