The Crisco didn’t work.
As anyone following the Eagles fans two weekends ago knows, when the fans burst into the streets of Philadelphia after watching their Birds beat the Vikings in the NFC Championship they were able to climb whatever they felt like climbing.
The “Crisco cops” are changing strategy ahead of this Sunday’s Super Bowl match up between the Eagles and Patriots, as the celebration is expected to be even more intense and massive should Philly prevail in Minneapolis.
Philadelphia Police Commissioner Richard Ross Jr said the Crisco wasn’t slick enough to keep ambitious fans on the ground. There is buzz that the police has a secret plan up its sleeve, but Pornhub.com might have the perfect solution.
That’s right, Pornhub.
.@PhillyPolice heard that you may be looking for an alternative to @Crisco for greasing up the poles this weekend – can we interest you in a few barrels of Pornhub lube? pic.twitter.com/VvK9UDci8k
— Pornhub ARIA (@Pornhub) January 31, 2018
The adult content website is offering to give Philly cops 110 gallons of lube to keep the light poles and traffic lights safe.
Pornhub’s VP Corey Price answered some nagging questions about the creative but unusual offer:
Why was Pornhub moved to make this offer?
As evidenced by our breast and testicle cancer prevention and awareness campaigns, both health and safety are very important to us at Pornhub. So, when we got word that Crisco wasn’t successfully keeping rowdy Philly fans from climbing street signs and traffic lights, which can be very dangerous, we thought we could help by offering our lube. We figured, if we are able to successfully “grease the poles” of thousands of Pornhub fans across the globe, why not help out the good people of Philly!
Why 110 gallons?
We have 55 gallon barrels of lube, and figured that would be an ample amount to keep hands from sliding up and down on Philly’s hard poles.
Do you have that much lube just lying around your warehouse?
In commemoration of the launch of our line of lubricants in late October of 2016, we created the world’s largest lube slide, which stood 55 feet tall and spanned 150 feet long. The team used over 110 gallons of lube and well, things got sticky (check out the full video here). We have a couple barrels of unused lube and figured this was the perfect opportunity to lend a hand.
Where would you transport it from and how would you transport it?
It’s stored in a warehouse on the East Coast. To get it to the City of Brotherly love, we would use a shipping company, like we did for our lube slide.
How quickly could you get it here?
Our lube typically gets people “there” really quickly, but we’ll need at least two days for shipping.
How would you suggest it be applied to poles?
Liberally and gently on the base, working your way up the shaft.
How does it hold up in cold weather and/or rain?
We have a number of lubes to choose from and will work closely with the city to determine which formula will best be suited to meet their needs.
Have you formally made this offer to police or the city?
We sent out a tweet to the Philadelphia Police Department (@PhillyPolice) and will send a formal offer letter later today.
