Why John Mayer is the thirstiest man alive

What is John Mayer ever doing?

Well, right now he’s reflecting on 2010 and how terribly annoying he has been. And because he’s coming out with an album, “The Search For Everything,” he is being especially reflective and you know what that means: lots of gems completely lacking any sense of self-awareness, courtesy of The New York Times. Why they gave him the time of day has yet to be determined.

Mayer really would like to leave his “bad boy” image behind — his words, not mine — and is ready to settle down with a woman unlucky enough to want to be with him. “I’m a young guy,” the 39-year-old says. “I like girls. I want girls to like me. I want to make music and be thought of as attractive.” Watch out ladies! Seriously. Watch out.

“I wish there was somebody to throw me the 40th [birthday],” he says. “I want the baby with the protective earphones.” That’s right, he wants to impregnate someone to prove that he’s all grown up.

He also talks a lot about fatherhood and cultural appropriation, and it’s just as painful as you’re thinking, I promise.

So how far have we come from the days where Mayer compared his penis to a white supremacist and used the N-word in the same interview? Not very, it seems.

Cool about your new album though, bro.